What do you stand for?

Yesterday I ran into my friend’s boyfriend, and when I asked where she was, he replied that he was forcing her to stay home. He added that she does what he tells her—that this is what you call “winning.” He laughed, saying that he had a stranglehold on her and that if he wants his girl to stay home, she will listen.

While his friends around him chuckled and/or ignored the conversation, I defended my friend and called him out on his ridiculous, misogynistic comments.

That conversation made me angry. First of all, I am very loyal and protective of my friends. It was infuriating, to say the least, to hear the man who supposedly loves my girlfriend make such disrespectful and demeaning comments. Second, the incident is not an isolated incident; it is rooted in the misogyny and sexism that are all too common in society. Third, as a mutual friend told me to calm down and not get involved, I was frustrated by the fact that people choose to become passive bystanders because it’s too uncomfortable to take a stand like someone clearly, for lack of a better word, a douchebag.

I think the reason it caused such a strong reaction in me is because I empathize with my girlfriend. She is a beautiful girl who has been validated by her physical beauty all her life. Her potential for true empowerment has been sidelined because of her low self-esteem, which has consistently looked perfect. If you are spiritually unhealthy, you will attract other unhealthy counterparts who will only reinforce your low self-esteem. We’ve all been through it, and it’s a damaging cycle of destruction.

I understand that it is not my role to uphold justice, and it is highly likely that my dialogue last night probably didn’t even make a dent in that person’s psyche. But that does not matter. You can never determine how someone will react. You can only do what you think is right, in accordance with your values ​​and morals, and how people react or don’t react is not your problem.

You decide how you want to appear. You choose who you want to be at that moment. What values ​​do you stand for, and when you witness a violation of those values, do you take a stand or sit back?

We must stop being passive spectators. We have a responsibility to interrupt the greater good of society when we witness someone infecting the world with hate. We must recognize that when we silently step back when a friend makes racist, derogatory, or misogynistic comments, we are just as much part of that tirade of hate.

The key to change in this world starts with the mindset of individuals. We may only be one person, but our perspectives, actions, and behaviors contribute to the norms of our peers and ultimately the society in which we live. We have enormous power to influence whether these norms will heal or harm us through the words we choose. the conversations we have, the respect we show for other people, and by choosing to take a stand rather than be passive bystanders.