Lust at First Sight – Heart Hackers Club

Amy: I’m in love. I met my soulmate!

Wise friend: But when did you meet?

Emmy: Last week. But this one is different…

Ahh, the words I used to say as a love-starved teenager. After mistaking lust for love time and time again, I think I’ve finally learned a valuable lesson: take your time.

It takes time to really get to know someone, to build trust and a foundation. When a relationship is in its infancy, your brain is buzzing with feel-good chemicals and your judgment can be clouded when you make such bold statements yet make drastic decisions. Studies show that when you first date someone, a chemical is released in your brain that is the same chemical released when someone eats chocolate or snorts cocaine. Simply put, it’s a feel-good chemical that makes you crave the other person, just like you would when taking an addictive drug. It is said that it takes about eight months for these initial chemical reactions to work out. That is why after such a period you may notice that things about your partner start to irritate you, although this was never the case before. The pleasure glasses are off and reality begins to sink in.

However, I have known a friend (or two) who has made drastic decisions like getting engaged or married in just a few minutes dating for a few months without bothering to let the chemically charged phase pass. Actually, a friend recently broke the news that she was madly in love and engaged just after two months of dating. And when a relationship is in fun mode, there usually aren’t any serious conversations about life goals, financial matters, and all that other “adult stuff” that comes with the decision to enter into a partnership.

Call me a pessimist; Call me a realist, but I don’t believe in love at first sight. While I’m sure this has happened to a handful of lucky people in this world, I think with exceptions; it does not exist for the general population. However, I do believe in lust at first sight and validation by association – which means seeking validation from your partner because of a self-deficiency or unmet need you have inside.

And maybe it’s true love and waiting a few months or a few years won’t make you (and in this case my boyfriend) more confident later than it is now. But if that’s the case, what’s the rush? If you’re going to spend a lifetime with someone, what harm can it do to be extra safe and wait a few months? I understand the feeling when you’ve met someone who you think finally understands you, and you want to spend every waking moment with that person. and by date five you already know the name of your future children. I have been wrong many times too, after seeing my so-called prince in test situations and seeing things break after an ebb.

I learned that even in platonic relationships it takes time, ups and downs and different situations to build a foundation and understand the other person. Having a rather extremist personality, I’ve made the mistake of jumping to a conclusion way too early, only to end up disappointed when you realize the person wasn’t as great as you initially thought.

We’ve all heard the saying, “easy to come, easy to go” and while it may sound cliché, I believe it’s true. The relationships that take time and investment and ultimately have a history are a lot harder to break and fall apart when the going gets tough. But those built on a whirlwind romance can collapse a lot easier, because there was no foundation to begin with.