How do you end an emotional affair and still be friends?

I am in a complicated situation with Bharat, my friend of seven years. We were very close as friends, but lately it has become something more. Nothing physical ever happened, but we had one emotional matter. Bharat confided his deepest fears and dreams to me, and we had intimate conversations about our deepest thoughts. We’re both married, and we know it’s wrong. It’s best to go back as friends because I know if we continue, it will become more than just emotional. I don’t know how to go back after we formed this intense bond. How can I approach Bharat about this without damaging our bond? I respect Bharat deeply and want our friendship to remain strong even after our affair ends. How can I deal with this emotional affair we are having? Please help me.

Answer:

It’s a shame you’re stuck in this emotionally complicated space. Please take this opportunity to be kind to yourself and avoid beating yourself up for not reciprocating your friend’s feelings. Becoming friends again will be a delicate conversation, so keep the following in mind:

1. Be careful about the place and time you choose. Ideally, something comfortable and safe for both of you, so that neither person feels blindsided.
2. Don’t rush into this conversation. Take time to understand your feelings and the reasons why you want to end the attachment. While you don’t owe your boyfriend a relationship, giving him your reasoning may be the closure he needs to get through this.
3. Chances are this conversation won’t be well received by your friend. Make room for his emotions. Remember that both emotional experiences are valid and beneficial for your friend.
4. Even though this conversation may be hurtful to your friend, he still deserves to know the truth about how you feel. Avoid withholding the truth to protect his feelings. Honesty will be better for both of you in the long run.
5. Reaffirm your friendship and the authenticity of the connection. Any hardships you are willing to endure shows that you value this friendship. Make sure you pass this on to your friend.
6. Give him the space he needs to process all of this. It is very possible that you will also need some time and self-care after this conversation. There will be some awkwardness and emotional pain here on both sides, so it’s important that you both get the space you need to heal.
7. Even if the conversation goes well, it will take some time for things to return to normal. Be patient with yourself and your friend. Stay involved in the friendship and discuss any discomfort or problems as they arise.

There is no surefire way to have this conversation and get your friendship back to what it used to be, nor can there be any guarantees that your friendship will come out of this unscathed. Make sure you remain empathetic and respectful throughout this conversation, set realistic expectations, and remain kind to yourself throughout the conversation.