[ad_1]
Another weekend, another one-night stand. The cute guy you slept with from the bar still hasn’t called. The guys who do contact you only text (and only after midnight). You are invited for a drink, but never for dinner. Do any of these situations sound familiar?
These scenarios are far too common among single women, and unfortunately, we often don’t know why we’re stuck in the same patterns: attracting men who don’t want to commit.
I’m not saying that commitment and true love are the most important things for everyone. There are certainly people who enjoy casual sex, but also people who view sex as a sport and dating as pure entertainment. If that works for you, then, all the more power to you. But we can’t deny that there are a lot of single women who don’t have such a casual view of intimacy, and who want sex, dating and courtship to produce only one thing: love.
But after countless dates, dates and still no ring, it becomes clear that these women have something in common. Men want to sleep with them, but not date them. If your dating and sex strategy (or lack thereof) isn’t working for you, here are a few reasons that might explain it:
You are easy
You radiate sex, smell like sex and give up sex easily. Opportunistic men will jump at the chance to get a few drinks into you, hoping to get you into bed at the end of the night. But you wake up alone.
When men see you primarily as sexual prey, they are blind to all the other great things you have to offer. Not your good heart, intelligence, your charming personality or resemblance to their mother – no, they see the only thing you have presented as your value: sex.
You can protest all you want, but the reality is that there is a population of men who still subscribe to the double standard. I’m not saying this perspective is correct, I’m just calling attention to the fact that it exists. In today’s society, there are many men who do not equate the woman who sleeps with the woman they introduce to their mother. Why is this? Maybe they want to be proud of their “catch”, maybe it’s a competition thing. Perhaps it is a primary response to challenges, and that people want what they have to work for. If you date quickly and easily, men automatically assume you’re doing the same thing with a bunch of other guys – and that’s not something their egos find attractive. They automatically put you in the “don’t take them seriously” pile, which explains why they don’t make an effort to date you.
So what can you do? It’s easy. If you’re looking for a committed relationship, don’t rush into sex. Give both of you time to get to know each other to build trust, connection and respect. Stop forcing sex as your number one value and you’ll find that men will start to notice all the other things about you that make you special.
You’re a gold digger
You meet a rich man and imagine what your life would be like without having to work 9 to 5 again. You drool over the fun bags, trips and nice dinners of your future.
While that fantasy might play out in an episode of Housewives of Orange County, it usually doesn’t work very well in reality. If you date a man hoping he will be your middle-class destiny, you will only end up disappointed. This is why.
First of all, dating a rich man doesn’t mean his wealth is transferred to you. You get a rented lifestyle. This means giving it back when he gets bored, or when he finds someone newer and more beautiful. Second, these singles are not rookies at the game. And you’re definitely not the one to pop their sugar daddy cherry. They are not naive about the fact that the reason you are with them is because of their financial status – and often have no intention of committing to you. The fairy tale usually ends like this: the guy finds another flavor of the month, and you end up 15 pounds heavier from the food and drinks with a few new designer bags to lug around. He continues to play the field and you end up alone.
You sleep with men you take with you
Research shows that men rarely leave their wives for the person they cheated on. And even if they do, the relationship that begins with deception often ends in deception. In fact, according to Dr. Phil, “relationships that grow out of affairs survive less than 5 percent of the time.” You can lie to yourself all you want, justify and live in denial, believing that you really are the special one – but the reality is that he won’t end up with you. Moreover, at some point you will have to deal with a lot of karma, guilt (if you have a conscience) and shame. It’s a lose-lose situation. There are over 18,000,000 single men in America alone; Surely there is someone in that sea of fish who could be a better soulmate? Remember, a beginning sets a precedent. If he cheats on his partner to be with you, over time he will probably cheat on you to be with someone else.
You have no substance
You talk about clothes, celebrities, and other fluffy things that no one really cares about (except your BFF and hairstylist). You think working in retail or as a bartender in a nightclub is a career path. There is nothing wrong with this scenario – if you are in your teens, early twenties or using these jobs to support you on your path to building your education/career. But if you’re looking for a quality partner, you need substance. Your passions, ambitions, character, stories… that’s what makes an individual interesting. I’m not saying that if you don’t have a six-figure career, you’ll stay single forever. I’m saying that being interesting goes way beyond the superficial. Have an opinion. Stand up for something. Be passionate about something. If you don’t show anything of yourself, it doesn’t really matter how beautiful you are, because eventually beautiful becomes familiar, and then it gets old.
……..
You’d think the points made in this article would be common sense – but why do so many women continually repeat their dating strategies even when it’s clearly not working? Some of it has to do with issues of self-worth and self-esteem. Another part of it has to do with what the mainstream media teaches us. The mass media floods society with images, stories and celebrities in which women are sex objects. The message is that what makes a woman attractive and worthy is when she looks perfect, is dressed in couture and has airbrushed skin. What they don’t tell us is that this positioning of women is actually intended to serve men. We are trained that being beautiful and sexual is how you win a man. So what do we do? We use our looks and sex to play the game, hoping to gain validation and love in return. This strategy does not result in love, on the contrary, it erodes our self-esteem. Then we are back to square one and repeat the cycle in a search for love and affirmation.
If you want to find true, committed love, the first step is to change your mindset. Respect your body and be respected. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have sex, it means you should be selective about who you share it with, and don’t lie to yourself into thinking that casual sex will turn into love (if that’s what you’re really looking for). Love yourself and you will be open to receiving love from others. Find ways that increase your self-confidence and empowerment without having to use your appearance or sex. And as you make decisions about who you invest your time in and who you share your body with, ask yourself whether it will bring you closer to finding love (both with another person and with yourself) or further away.
*Disclaimer: This is an article aimed at women who want a committed relationship and are not having success with their current dating strategy. If you are looking for casual sex and are happy with it, then this article is not for you. I’m not saying that all women want committed relationships and love.
Photo credit: Alisha
[ad_2]
#Mistress