Why You’re Not Invited—Heart Hackers Club

There is always that guy (or girl) during a dinner or party. The one who is always late, the one who drops out at the last minute, the one who pays the bill too little, the one who constantly hijacks the conversation…

The problem is that that can also be the case for that person without even knowing it. If you notice a decrease in invitations, here are some reasons why:

You’re always late

Somehow, there is always a reason why you are late. Unfortunately, no matter how legitimate your excuses may be, after a while, people get tired of waiting for your time.

Make sure you think about it carefully and take it into account. Chronic lateness is not the result of circumstances, but because you manage your time poorly. And someone else has to ‘pay the price’. Do you find that there are people who are always on time and people who are always late, to the point where you can expect them not to show up on time? Again, it’s not because one person is busier than the other, but because the slow person has adopted bad habits.

I don’t know the location? Map it out in advance. Please note that it will cost you an extra 10 minutes to take a taxi. Build in time for parking, getting lost, bad traffic, and so on. If it was a job interview, you’d find a way to be on time, right? The same planning method should also apply to your dates with others.

You cannot commit to an RSVP

Yes or no. It’s very simple. If you are personally invited to a meeting, especially if it involves reservations or food preparation, be considerate of the organizer and agree whether or not you will attend. Of course, work may come up or an unforeseen situation may mean that you are unsure whether you will be available. However, if you wait until the last minute to see if something better comes along, then you certainly don’t deserve to be invited back. And if you respond “Yes” to the invitation and something unexpected arises, please have the courtesy to inform the host as soon as possible. Don’t just not show up. Don’t wait for the host to call you and wonder where you are to finally let him/her know that you will no longer be there. It’s rude, inconsiderate and amateurish.

You are not present

Just showing up physically does not mean you are actually there. Attend the meeting with the intention of socializing, meeting people, contributing to the conversation, and being involved. Put your phone away and if you absolutely must check it, wait for a non-disruptive time, such as a bathroom break, to do so. Don’t let the distractions of social media become so alienated that you forget the importance of authentic, present-day human interaction. Instagram can wait. The person in front of you deserves your attention.

You don’t ask questions

Being a good conversationalist comes naturally to some, but in general, it is a skill that you learn through practice. Approach your next meeting with the intention of improving your conversation skills. Think of a few questions to ask strangers. Some possible questions to find common ground could be: “How do you know the host?” or “Any travel plans for next year?” Approach people with curiosity and you may be pleasantly surprised at how openness can create enriching relationships with people you never thought you would bond with. Do you want to be more interesting? Learn to ask interesting questions.

You hijacked the conversation

Be careful not to dominate the dinner conversation too much. Even if you are extremely opinionated on a subject, remember that this is true when a time and a place participate in a monologue or a full-fledged debate (that time, not coincidentally, falls during a dinner party). Part of being a good conversationalist is being able to maintain the flow of a conversation, ask compelling questions, and engage the introverts, who tend to be quieter among the extroverts.