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When I was a little girl, I believed that love would be packaged in a beautiful story as always in my favorite fairy tales. Whether it was Snow White, the Little Mermaid or Cinderella, the ending was always the same: the handsome prince would save the day. The prince and princess would fall hopelessly head over heels and ride off into a beautiful sunset. Growing up, I desperately searched for my own prince, and was only left disappointed time and time again when the storyline in my head didn’t match my reality. looking back at my past relationships, it’s clear that my current definition of love has been formed based on the lessons I’ve learned from each person who has truly touched my heart. Here are some of the experiences I learned a little more about what love is…
Just because you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is right for you
When I was in my early twenties, I met a man who lived in another city. I admired him and dreamed about how a long distance relationship would work. That fantasy would never come true in reality. We were in different time zones, at completely different stages of our lives, and had different priorities. While I loved him, and to this day I have a special place for him in my heart, I know we would never work together in a relationship. We weren’t the right match. I’ve realized that you can love someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re compatible.
The ‘L’ word has many different shapes and forms
Sometimes it feels more passionate than other timessometimes it feels intense and strong, and sometimes it feels safe and stable. But regardless of the form, the root of love is a constant – it’s always there, just dressed differently. I once dated a man who came home one day and told me the words no woman ever wants to hear: ‘I’m not in love with you anymore. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you.’ Ouch. After that disintegrationI have my definition of love. I realized that a committed relationship isn’t just about feeling “in love.” It’s not about lust, or chasing the high of unsustainable chemical reactions and hormones (also known as ‘butterflies’). Love is about commitment, respect and dedication. Love is about keeping that promise, both to your partner and to yourself. Love is a verbno destination or a pit stop.
If someone hurts you, it doesn’t automatically mean they don’t adore you
I fell for a man who I know adored me with everything he had. I didn’t know that the same man who adored me so deeply would be the same man who would hurt me beyond belief. While I was in the process of healing from the fracture trauma, I asked the question meaning of love. Because in my world, you don’t hurt the people you admire most. But I realized that even if you love someone, you may still be battling your own problems and demons. As a result, you may make decisions that have unintended, hurtful consequences for the person closest to you. I’ve realized that the man who hurt me didn’t do it because he didn’t feel the same way I did, he just did his own things happen causing him to make bad decisions. And unfortunately, my heart was a major victim of those decisions.
So what does love mean to me today?
The various people who have come in and out of my life have been my teachers subject love. Everyone who had a piece of my heart taught me a valuable lesson and offered me the opportunity to shape what love looks like in my world today. I will probably be an eternal student of this subject, but this is what love means to me:
WHERE, authentic love can only be shared if the two people in the relationship include their own self-worth first. Love is not fleeting; it does not come and go with the feelings and emotions of the day. Love is not dictated by lustOn the contrary, lust is just one of its many forms. And while it may not look like how it was depicted in fairy tales, it is is magic. Because out of love you will make sacrifices, you will be selfless and say sorry even when you know you are right. And when you hit a roadblock where the chances of your relationship surviving seem high, you’ll fight for it with everything you’ve got. Because love is worth it. Because the person you chose committing to it is worth it.
[infobox bg=”redlight” color=”black” opacity=”on” subtitle=”Amy C.”]Sometimes you do things out of love, without rhyme or reason. And sometimes love is the only reason you need.[/infobox]
Photo credit: Jack Fussell
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