How To Go From Casual to a Committed Relationship

I recently posted video on Instagram which went viral and was viewed 200,000 times within a few hours. I was hesitant to post it because the topic was quite ‘meta’ and I thought it would be difficult to understand. It clearly resonated, so I wanted to share the concept with you.

The hook

When we date, it’s common for people to take charge of one aspect of themselves. I call this “the hook,” which can range from using charm, good looks, intellect, money, wealth, status, or even being useful, as a way to get someone to like him or her.

Often this is a quality that has been validated or rewarded since childhood. For example, if you were constantly told you were beautiful as a child, you might use your physical appearance as the main characteristic you rely on to generate romantic interest. You may spend a lot of time and energy on physical perfection, even holding yourself to impossible standards of beauty, because you have placed so much value on appearance.

Or maybe your parents focused on your grades and achievements when you were a child. You grow up thinking that success and money give you value. You go all out when you go out – you pay for everything, you spoil the person with lavish gifts, you emphasize how talented and successful you are.

And it could work well – in getting a date or someone interested in you in the first place.

While this can help open the door to attracting someone, it is not what makes the connection grow into a deeper bond because it is an ego transaction.

Ego transaction versus soul connection

A ego transaction is when we only date someone because of their superficial qualities. It’s also what happens when we lead with superficial qualities and don’t let anyone see who we really are. Instead, they are dating our representative.

This kind of connection is fickle because we can lose it at any time. Because let’s face it: there will always be someone hotter, smarter or richer.

a soul connection, however, is when both people reveal who they really are – and not just a perfected version. They reveal their essence: their scars, their bruises, their history – all their own, included.

Only when two people show up as their authentic selves is there a possibility for one soul connection to be created.

Although people can always outdo you, they will not be able to outdo you.

Of course, I’m not saying that you suddenly reveal all your childhood traumas on the first date. Also, I’m not promoting the idea of ​​a one and only soulmate (hint: it’s a lie). I’m suggesting that for someone to actually create a connection beyond a superficial attraction, you need more than that one aspect that opened the door. Rapport, trust, and bonding are all part of a dance that happens over time and experience with someone, and it requires gradually revealing the other parts of you.