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A friend of mine recently told me about a decision she made that conflicted with some of her core values. I listened and asked her some questions about her decision:
“Do you think this decision will help you get closer to what you want or further away?”
She then responded, “Don’t judge me! I feel comfortable with my decision and know what I am doing.”
‘I’m not judging you. And even if it were, if you’re really comfortable with what you’re doing, my judgment wouldn’t matter. That would be my problem, not yours.”
Maybe I judged her, maybe not. But what I thought wasn’t actually the problem. She knew, whether she wanted to admit it or not, that she was making a decision that wasn’t entirely right. Before she even told me, she was defensive because, in reality, she was already judging herself. Think about the last time you felt judged. Were you defensive and offended because you didn’t like the truth behind someone’s judgment? I know for myself that the times I worried about people judging me were because I knew I had made a decision (or was about to make one) that didn’t serve me, but I didn’t have the discipline or the courage to do so. honest about it.
It’s easy to point the finger and blame someone for being “judgmental” to cover up the fact that we’re really just judging ourselves. If you were truly confident in the decisions you make, who you are, and what you stand for, you would not be influenced by the judgment of others. Such confidence and deep determination in your decisions act as a shield against external assumptions and judgments.
So the next time you accuse someone of judging you, take a moment and honestly ask yourself: Who is really the one judging you? Feeling judged may be a signal for you to take a closer look at yourself and ask whether your decision is not in line with your values and integrity.
Photo credit: Ana Luisa Pinto
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