3 Ways to Avoid Being Miserable This Valentine’s Day

Of course, Valentine’s Day is just a made-up day by Hallmark, but for some it’s a dreaded, in-your-face reminder that while others receive obligatory roses, you’re single. Instead of secretly resenting other happy couples and not-so-secretly wallowing in some serious self-loathing, why not take this day as a reminder to focus on cultivating self-love. Instead of making this day about not having romantic love from someone else, make this day about falling in love with yourself and spreading that self-love to people you care about. For all the singles out there, I encourage you to reclaim Valentine’s Day as your day. Here are some suggestions on how to have a loving, happy Valentine’s Day, regardless of your relationship status.

Start with a gratitude exercise

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, or what you’re not getting, use your energy to be grateful for what you already have. Studies show that you can actually rewire your brain for happiness through… practicing gratitude daily. Research by author Shawn Achor shows that you can train your brain to be more positive by spending two minutes a day writing down what you are grateful for. Do this for a period of 21 days straight, 21 days straight, and by the end of it your brain will begin to maintain a pattern of scanning the world for the positive and not the negative.

Make someone else feel loved

For the past few years, I’ve spent my Valentine’s Day taking my mother and grandmother on a date. I spoiled them with flowers, a nice dinner and pampered them as if I were a gentleman wanting to woo them for their affection. I made them feel special, cared for and loved. It was incredibly satisfying to make someone else feel loved. Do something special and surprise someone you care about. Send a card with a note about why you love the person. Take your mom out for a date. Instead of using your energy thinking about the love you’re not getting, use that energy to share your love with someone who deserves it. If you are a source of love for others, love will flow into your life.

Change your state of being

There’s been a lot of hype around positive thinking, and a prevalent school of thought is that if you’re not happy, it’s because your thoughts are negative. This is not completely true.

Positive thinking in itself does not work. Many scientists claim that 95% of our decisions, actions, emotions and behavior are the result of our subconscious mind. For example, if you have worried about rejection and abandonment all your life, and there comes a time when that fear is triggered, having a positive thought will not change your physical response; it is automated thanks to decades of programming. To change the outcome of what you attract into your life, you need to break the habits that are ingrained in your way of being. Change your thoughts (conscious) + change how you feel (subconscious) + set an intention (what you want to bring into your life) = change in state of being = change in outcome.

The way I do this is by starting my day with a meditation and visualization exercise. If love is what I want, I visualize that I already have love, radiate love, and allow myself to feel it as if it is already a reality. There are many studies that show that your body does not know the difference between what you visualize and what actually happens. Then I express gratitude to the universe for the abundance of love in my life. The idea here is to visualize something using your mind, trick your body into actually feeling it, which will change your energetic output, and ultimately draw that energy into your life.

Holidays can be tough. If you’re not in a good mood this Valentine’s Day, I hope my suggestions will help you remember to be gentle with yourself and focus on the love that matters most: self-love. I hope you have a happy heart day every day.