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1. Say: “Take it easy”
Two measly words that are guaranteed to annoy your partner to the core. “Relax” “Relax” – yes these fall into that same category and yes, I am guilty too. These words result in the complete opposite reaction you want. In most cases these “self-destructive instructions’Increase the original state you are trying to change. Author Seth Godin adds, “I was kidding” should also be on the list, because it’s an “incredibly lame excuse for a botched interaction.”
2. Stone wall
Call it the cave. Call it being distant. Regardless of the term, stonewalling is a defense mechanism that people return to in order not to deal with the problem, period. Many of us reacted this way as children: we became completely silent and used non-participation as a kind of punishment. Although you might have gotten away with it as a child, in adult relationshipsthis is not an acceptable or productive way to handle things.
3. Ulcer
You are mad. Your partner is angry. The person you suddenly swooned over yesterday is the one person you want to throw out the window. At the height of your anger, it is easy to see your partner as the ultimate evil, your enemy and adversary. It’s easy to become defensive and mean. It’s easy to use language that reflects the terrible mood you’re in. But don’t do that. Because within a few hours or days shall think up. And when the original issue of the argument is eventually resolved, the nasty words and names you called each other along the way won’t go away anytime soon.
4. Go into ‘You’re Wrong’ Mode
You can present all the facts, complete with evidence and analysis, but when you’re in the middle of an emotionally heated debacle with your partner, the flip charts mean nothing. Of course, if one person is completely wrong, some reality and reasoning is needed. However, if you try to prove the other person wrong and that you are right, you will not get anywhere. The immediate result you want is to be happy and put an end to the terrible mood. Proving your partner wrong is NOT the way to get there. But listening, trying to be compassionate, understanding and putting your ego aside….
5. Downplay your partner’s emotions
The worst thing you can do to someone when they are feeling emotional, desperate, or upset is to ignore or minimize their emotions. Example: your partner feels insecure and cries. In response you ignore. The result: anger. Someone who doesn’t feel heard or has their feelings ignored can lead to feeling disrespected, uncared for, unheard, and voiceless. Respond to your partner in this way and the result will be greater distress, not an disappearance of the problem. Remember that just because you can ignore a problem for a while doesn’t mean it will go away on its own and that it is not your problem. The reality is that when you’re in a partnership with someone, their problems are your problems, and your problems are theirs.
It’s better to argue here…
Photo credit: Daniel Horacio Agostini
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#SHOULDNT #Argue