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By interviewing different people about relationships and observing how people interact with each other, combined with my own dating experience, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some basic tendencies that make a man run for the hills.
1. You act like a high-maintenance diva.
If you call yourself a diva or a princess, immediately remove those words from your vocabulary. Feeling entitled, feeling spoiled, and being impossible to please are not hallmarks of a mature woman, but signs of a young girl’s immaturity. Act with grace and manners and keep to yourself. A man’s job in a romantic dynamic is not to be your butler, your bank account, or your father.
2. You raise the question “What are we?” talked about for two weeks.
Women like security, control and knowing where they stand. Completely understandable. The problem is that it may seem innate to secure a commitment once you have feelings for someone, but having a contrived conversation to determine the status of a budding romance in a few weeks is too much, too soon.
Avoid the urge to label things right away and let things flow. Organically, the relationship will reach a point where both people first feel the level of commitment, and then the “conversation” can begin. But having the “conversation” before the feelings are there just to try to control the outcome puts unnecessary pressure on the situation.
3.You have no life of your own = needy.
We’ve all done this before. We love a man and suddenly our world revolves around him. Even when we’re playing a hard-to-get game, placing a man as the center of your universe radiates an energy of neediness and desperation—an energy that cannot be hidden, no matter how strategically you wait to get back to text.
It’s attractive when a woman has her own full life – a career/passion, friends, hobbies, community… If a man fits into that life and complements it, great. But the man can never be the center of your happiness, entertainment and community.
4. You put more energy into being beautiful than into being interesting.
While being beautiful can certainly attract attention, unless you want a guy who just wants a trophy girlfriend, being beautiful isn’t enough. Society and the media continually reinforce the message that physical beauty is a huge part of a woman’s worth. This causes many to focus on the packaging and not the contents. Quite a blur. True, authentic beauty radiates from within – it is a blend of self-confidence, self-respect, values, intelligence, heart and soul. Trusting that you are beautiful as your most important asset results in fake confidence. It’s not real and disappears once the makeup is off and the show is over.
5. You can’t have a quality conversation.
You can’t build rapport by having a one-sided monologue or talking about clothes and gossip. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. Connection requires lowering your defenses and showing vulnerability – it requires sharing. So give a little and ask a lot. Try to move the conversation beyond superficial talk.
Click here to read my blog about “7 Reasons Why You Repel Women”
Photo credit: Margot Trudell
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