The 10 Types of Friends You Should Avoid

I had that too when I was in my early twenties. I had an army of friends. Our common ground consisted of shared interests like dating, gossiping, and being overly dramatic about our romantic problems. I surrounded myself with people who were good-looking, stylish, and popular because that subconsciously affirmed me.

As I grew older and reached a different stage in my life, my interests began to change. I became a lot clearer about the type of person I wanted to be and the values ​​I stood for. Slowly, I grew apart from some of my old friends, became closer to others, and made room to welcome new, like-minded people into my life.

The quote ‘The five people you associate most with, you become’, resonates strongly with me. Today, when I access my friendships, I ask myself how I feel after spending time with them. If I’m constantly feeling exhausted, that’s an indication that I need to reassess.

I finally learned what really matters when choosing your tribe. Replacing the superficial qualities I used to look for in friends, today I value loyalty, consistency, dependability, honesty, thoughtfulness and generosity above all else. That said, it’s sometimes hard to recognize if a friend is toxic in your life. Here are a few types of friends you may want to avoid:

1. The energy vampire

After spending time with this person, you feel exhausted. The conversation usually revolves around their problems and complaints. They will cause an emotional ‘dump’ for you so you can break free and feel better. The problem is that that energy is eventually taken from your energy reserve, and then you have nothing left to give. If you are constantly exhausted after spending time with someone, know that the result is that you have nothing left to give to yourself and the people you love.

2. The calculator

This friend is always keeping score and if your count is wrong, they blame you for it. This is the one who, deep down, fears being failed, so they have created coping mechanisms to ensure that no one gets more than what they give. The problem with these types of friends is that their acts of giving don’t come from a real place. When you’re dealing with calculating energy, you may also end up adjusting your generosity, as it creates a dynamic where you feel like you’re constantly keeping score.

3. The Disappearance Act

This person is your BFF if they are single and need you as a wing person to fill their social calendar. But as soon as they start a relationship, you abruptly drop to zero priority. Then, the moment they go through a breakup, you’re the person they have to cry and vent to, only to repeat the same cycle of being MIA as soon as they meet their next boyfriend. While it’s normal for friends to have less time and availability when they’re in a new relationship and other priorities arise in their lives, it’s not okay for them to disappear completely only to reappear when they need to.

4. The taker

According to the author of Give and Take by Adam Grant, there are three types of people: takers, givers, and matchers. I think your ability to give is really defined at an early age, and it becomes part of your DNA. There are people who just take constantly, and that’s just their way of life. If you are someone who is always generous and giving, these people will know no bounds when they take something from you. They probably don’t even realize they’re taking because it’s their norm, and reciprocity isn’t part of their thought process either.

5. The one-man show

This person is the star of his or her own show. That’s why everything from the conversations to the cast (including yourself) should revolve around them. This is the friend who will happily talk about their problems for hours, and when it’s your turn to talk, they’ll interrupt the conversation and maneuver to get back to them. This person may have good intentions, but he can’t help but center everything around “me, me, me.”

6. The Drama Queen

This person’s storyline never seems to get past the conflict stage. There is always something that makes them unhappy and there is usually someone to blame. This person chooses drama as an attitude and then attracts and enjoys it. They worry about the small and trivial things and have a way of turning everything into a big deal.

7. The child who never grows up

This person has not learned how to deal with his or her emotions and unfortunately, everyone has to pay the price. This friend lashes out, resorting to passive aggression or other harmful coping mechanisms to deal with conflict and disappointment. Certainly, no one is perfect and coming to grips with the tricky range of human emotions is no easy task. But there comes a point where one must be held responsible and accountable for one’s behavior, and the constant return to childish reactions at the expense of others should not be tolerated.

8. The flake

There are so many wonderful people who value your time and would love to make plans with you. Why waste your energy chasing people who don’t comply? Sometimes people go through things in life that make them unavailable; that’s completely understandable. But those who constantly flake because of their own inability to manage their time? That gets old quickly. The friend who always says they don’t have time to see you? Not true. They just don’t want to spend their time with you.

9. The guilt tripper

This person has expectations of you and if they are not met, they will make you feel angry about it. These expectations revolve around them, their stage of life and their wishes. Their demands come from a selfish place, and they are so blind to ‘me’ that your interests come second. When we are children, our friends and social circle are our first priority in life. As we get older and have more responsibilities, things change and so do priorities. Life happens. Careers flourish. Families are created. People get sick… Friends need to be accommodating and supportive of the various changes that will take place and not use peer pressure or guilt to get their way.

10. The friend you secretly hate

This friend encourages you, including exclamation marks and happy face emoticons. But in reality, they secretly just don’t like you and don’t want the best for you. Be careful, because these people may want to be like your friend for strategic and calculating reasons and are likely to mask their true feelings with eagerness and compliments. Your intuition always knows.

Do you have anything to add to the list? Add to the list in the comments.

Would you like to learn more about how to change old relationship patterns and create healthy relationships? Then join my Live 2-hour workshop on Sunday, April 25, where I will guide you step by step on how to become more secure in your attachment, manage emotions and our responses to pain, and create healthy relationships. Buy your ticket here.